Monday, January 30, 2012

How do I love?

Things are as crazy as ever…and as expected.  Two adorable little girls, youngest just started crawling a mach speeds, needy dog, full time jobs, dinner, snacks, garbage duties, “Mommy, you need to buy batteries”, training, laundry (my God, the volume of clothes!), the list goes on and on.  Oh…and someone PUHLEEZE, clean the house.  The hubbs and I continue to work on the balance.  ‘Work’ is the operative word, here.  We hit a rough spot about two weeks ago – Allison, growing more dependent upon me, gave up the regular routine of sleeping through the night.  Putting her down for the evening makes wrestling with a bear seem like a cake walk.  The past few nights she wakes every two hours to scream herself back to sleep.  Of course, this puts a damper on any hope for a restful slumber; Mom and Dad morph into daytime zombies, shuffling and fumbling around the office. 

This morning, while getting ready for work, I remembered all the sleepless nights I had in college (by choice) and how I functioned like a champ (or so I thought).  Age distorts the glamour and I do not wear it well, anymore.  Hrumph.  Mid-morning, I hit the ladies room with cover up and mascara; Mission Reapply was in full effect.  I opened the door to get a blast of industrial strength Lysol and a hint of Jean Nate Body Splash (Google it).  With my nose hairs burning I muddled to the mirror in hopes of brightening up my face.  I saw a co-worker I hadn’t seen in a while.  She began with the small talk and I responded militantly.  She started to make her way to the door, but, instead, spun around and blurted, ‘How do you love running?’  I didn’t understand the question at first, but she went on to explain that she WANTS to love running.  She plans on setting a goal to run a half marathon in the fall, but she needs to start somewhere.   I tried to offer some suggestions related to beginner training and gave a few tips to stay motivated.  After all that talk I still couldn’t adequately explain how I love running. 

Already with minimal focus, I couldn’t stop thinking about her question.  ‘How do I love?’  I must have repeated this question in my head a hundred times.  ‘How do I love?’  I set a reminder on my phone to address how I loved later today.  Well, later is now and here I am.  I’m not any more enlightened than I was this morning, but I believe there is a good comparison. 

Running is a relationship, much like marriage.  Marcus and I have been focusing on balance, even though we have NEVER uttered that word.  There are days when we’re zipping along doing eighty in the fast lane with not a cop in site; green lights all the way.  There are days when bed time couldn’t come fast enough .  I don’t love him any less, but my love grows deeper.  Some days I feel like I could run forever; other times I have a difficult time getting through a half mile.  In both cases, I didn’t set out to love, but I stumbled upon it.  I continued a relationship with Marcus because I enjoyed his company.  I started to run because I was overweight.  Simple, unsuspecting reasons that blossomed into something wonderful.  Put forth your best foot; there’s nothing to lose.  Maybe you’ll gain a life partner.