Sunday, September 29, 2013


Clearly what I wrote a few minutes ago shouldn't have been published. The technology gods frowned upon my candid thoughts and decided to auto delete my draft post. Damn, I thought it was pretty good. Something about a downward spiral, roasted potatoes and a Yip Pip. 
The last few weeks have been outta control. I am piecing everything together only to discover that there is a different picture underneath. I've made enough subtle changes over the past fourteen days that my focus has shifted to be more in the present as opposed to the past or future. I'm sitting here, at my kitchen table, finishing a delicious Rum Chata chai while taking a few deep breaths. I am not anxious about the day ahead - first work/school day without the hubby (includes two swimming lessons in the evening). Dinner is already ready to go, car is packed, lunches made and the morning plan is good as gold. Among all the business, Project Muffin will continue as planned. The process of reframing and remodeling cannot end.  
As the soreness from this morning's yoga teacher training class sets in, I am thankful this program came into my life. I knew emotionally that I needed to get myself back to the mat and this training would be the vehicle to get me there. I would be given another opportunity to finish what I started (read: and bring focus back. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

New Chapters – Many Books – One Volume

I can’t exactly pinpoint the reason(s) as to why I have not posted something ‘reader-worthy’ for a while.  I guess the only response I have is – LIFE HAPPENED.  Life happened and life continues to happen; I challenge myself to find balance.  This must be my overall goal, minus all the details, of course. 

Since it’s back to school season, I’ve been asked about my summer.  “Did you have a good summer?”  “Sad to leave summer?”  “Did you go anywhere fun for your summer?”  I’m trying to fully understand the questions with no success.  Summer hasn’t been the same since October of 2000 - I got a ‘real’ job.  When you have a ‘real’ job, you responsibly choose to go to work almost every business day.  You’re alert and ready to tackle whatever task may come your way.  You decide that it’s better to go home earlier, after that extended happy hour, because calling out sick with a hangover isn’t very responsible.  If you do have a hangover, you get your ass out of bed anyway, pump as much caffeine into your veins as possible and make it a point to go out for a greasy burger and fries as lunch.  But I digress.  Sure, my summer was fun. 

As I mentioned, the end of summer leads into the start of school.  This year would be much different for me – Ava would be starting Kindergarten.  Ava would be getting on a bus to travel to a brand new school, not knowing anyone, and then finish her day in a new after care program.  My emotional circuit was on overdrive.  My husband will tell you there were a few shorts causing some disruption to the regularly scheduled program, but he rolls with it.  (God Bless that man).  The first day of school was also my birthday. 

I remember when birthdays used to be a time of pride and celebration for me.  I looked forward to being a princess for the day (and, maybe I stretch it out a little).  I have fond memories of the year that my birthday fell on the first day of school.  I felt like a celebrity.  I sauntered down the hallway, pony tail a-swingin’,  with a tray of ice cream cone cupcakes for the class.  As the years passed, my excitement transformed into fear, dread and eventually, a slight (ever so slight) depression.  I find difficulty embracing the aging process.  I’ll save that topic for another day. 

On Labor Day, this Labor Day, Ava and I prepped for the day ahead – we picked out clothes for the week, packed her book bag and planned lunches and snacks.  After tucking both kids in bed, I slumped on the couch and began to cry.  I know…it’s hard to believe.  I do cry.  I cried for the time that had passed, the time that was approaching and the time of the future.  I challenged myself to blossom in the moment, but I couldn’t pull myself out of the dark abyss.  The unnecessary sobbing prompted a conversation with my husband.  We didn’t fully solve my problem, but the chatter helped calm me down.  I was thankful for the time.  Before turning in for the evening, I chased two ibuprofen with a glass of water. 

Tuesday, September 3rd – the morning began with a three mile run to welcome the day.  Before I could catch my breath, the rest of the house awoke filled with anticipation.  In what seemed like five minutes, I trailed behind Ava and Marcus, holding hands, walking to the bus stop.  Tears welled in my eyes as the bright yellow cheese wagon rounded the corner and barreled up the road.  The bus slowed down, yellow lights flashing until it came to a complete stop.  Red lights.  Red stop sign.  It all happened so fast.  We walked Ava across the street (I swear she was skipping).  I remember her climbing those stairs – she didn’t look back.  Just like me…on MY first day of school. 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

C-O-W e-i-e-i-o

So here I am...five years later for a mole mapping. I should go annually, but my last appointment was so horrible that I decided to abstain. I'm not getting any younger (stay tuned for the eventual birthday post). I need to be in control of my body (read: obsessive). It was time. I scheduled the appt.
I always feel like I'm part of the heard in this practice. I get shuffled from person to person as they throw papers at me for signature, verify all my information repeatedly and shoo me away to wither in the waiting room. The music stinks, the magazines are outdated and the woman next to me smells like mothballs.
But wait! There's more.
Before I give up hope, I'll be escorted into a cold waiting room to undress and wait just a little longer. The fun starts as the PA and medical assistant scans my body with their tools, all the while taking pictures and scrutinizing me for having tattoos and wearing perfume. Yay.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, September 9, 2013

Hand Off

Yesterday was the LVHN Marathon for Via.  For the third straight year, I organized a team to participate in the relay.  Good times.  I ran the second leg at my personal best which kept me pumped the rest of the day…even when we almost missed the hand off during the last exchange.

It’s too late for me to compile a race report – half marathon training starts tomorrow which means an early start for me. 

I did, however, feel the need to post the team picture.  Please note, this was taken before the shenanigans of relay race day. 

VIA Relay Team 2013