Realization

I’m pretty stubborn – I rarely back down for the sake of saving face.  When I’m wrong, which is rare – by the way, I will admit it…well, maybe.  This past weekend I had a moment of realization.  I was about one mile into a hilly 5K when I discovered that I was nine months pregnant.  My legs couldn’t carry me at that speed anymore so I had to cut the pace back to a brisk walk. 

There was something to prove, to myself, these past nine months.  I did not want to fall into the gluttony of my last pregnancy.  I wanted to maintain a decent level of activity to keep my weight down, keep the baby healthy and give me the opportunity to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight sooner than later.  I worked so hard to lose sixty pounds; I didn’t want to go through that process again.  There were some unmentioned people that were looking forward to me gaining weight.  This wasn’t an assumption – THEY TOLD ME.

At first I felt defeated when I started to walk, but I continued to pump my arms and move my legs.  I decided to chill out.  The weather was gorgeous and Marcus was by my side pushing Ava.  I took a deep breath, followed by a slow release which relaxed my shoulders.  Yeah, this was good.  This WAS okay.  I have been on an amazing journey and I needed to just enjoy. 

Ava had her own moment of realization.  She did notice that I wasn’t running and called me on it.  I wasn’t upset; I actually laughed.  Towards the end of the race, we were close to pulling up the rear.  I didn’t want to be the last person crossing the finish line, so I picked up the pace to a jog.  Ava, in her inquisitive tone, asked me where the rest of the people were.  I let out a much needed laugh as I told her that the other people were faster.  “Why?”  Because Mommy is slower.  “Why?”  Because of Baby Cookie.  “Why?”  I just let that last one go.  As I did everything else.