Friday, October 24, 2014

Rewiring Dreams

I've been called an old lady by some of my charming friends because of my early bedtime.  Sometimes, I'll hit the pillow as early at 8 pm; sometimes I'll make a valiant effort to stay up after putting the kids to bed, but that just results in me passing out on the couch 30 minutes later.  Before kids I would pass out on people's couches, or even worse, I'd put my head down on the bar, or on the table to take a quick snooze.  My body knows when a hard reset is required; nothing can stop it.

I normally don't have trouble falling asleep and I slip into a very restful evening of paralysis; Oh and dreaming.  I usually have vivid dreams that I remember in detail.  Some of these dreams have had such an impact that they cannot be erased.  I could dazzle you with the story of my one childhood recurring dream or my accounts of lead singers falling in love with me.  I could also tell you the countless times in which I've tried to run without success.  Whether I was running in a race or away from an assailant, I can't seem to move myself forward.  In most cases, I feel as if I'm trying to run through a chest high tub of quicksand - I'm moving nowhere fast.  I exert so much energy trying to propel myself forward that I get exhausted and need to quit.  This is such a frustrating situation; sometimes it's a terrifying if I can't get away from the 'bad guy'.  Over the years, I somehow educated my dream self that if I turned around I could successfully run with a lot more mobility.  Sure, I was running backward, but I made progress.

I read that slow running in dreams is the reflection of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.  Okay.  That might be fair in certain situations.  But I changed my direction.  Like one of those dumb kids in the Freddy Kruger movies, I subconsciously figured out how to run facing forward, without being held back.  I moved through the streets, light on my feet and the wind waving through my hair. For the first time in my life I could run fast (facing forward) in my dream.

I need to take a stand and change it up; then I can run free.
Forward Progress