Head Aches

A few months ago I stumbled upon a blog written by a woman losing her battle with cancer.  I arrived late to the party; I believe she originally used the platform to speak of motherhood and kindness.  With her breast cancer diagnosis, Kara Tippetts transformed her words to give the reader insight into her journey and her reliance on God.  Like some of you with Muffin's Madness, I received updates on Kara's new postings in her Mundane Faithfulness blog.  This morning, like most Friday mornings, I woke up to check in with the Crazies.  The rain was pouring down and maybe I'm getting soft, but I just wasn't interested in hitting the road.  I tried to fall back asleep, but that didn't work.  Instead, I checked the weather, Pinterest and my e-mails.  I had not checked my Muffin account in a few days; I missed two Mundane posts.  I started to read the first post from my phone, quickly realizing that Kara had passed away on March 22nd.  I immediately sprung out of bed to head downstairs for a cup of coffee and a bigger screen.  

And now, here I sit, at this empty kitchen table with a hot cup.  

I cannot wrap my head around Kara's perceived grace in dying.  

I cannot wrap my head around her willingness to leave this earth...her husband...her four children.  

I cannot wrap my head around the amount of strength that her family must develop (or had developed to this point) to continue walking forward.  

I'm so stubborn and I refuse to accept the endurance of such pain.  

And now, here I sit, a blubbering mess, trying to make heads or tails of this...ALL OF THIS.  What is all this around me?  What happens next?  How did 'we' lose focus on what's really important?  But...what IS really important?  

Too early for a drink?  I guess so.  

Photo Credit: Brad Kayal
http://www.bradkayal.com