Tuesday, May 19, 2009

In the Moment

We all, at multiple times in our lives, marvel at the speed with which time flies.  We also remark to others about this speed:

“Enjoy every moment.”

“It sure goes fast.”

“I remember that as if it was yesterday.”

So, we look back at those situations and take the advice of others and try to enjoy each moment.  But, we’re distracted and always looking towards something in the future.  Now, as that ‘something’ is happening perhaps we’re enjoying that moment, but we could also be looking towards something else. 

A large group of friends and my immediate family (Gus and Ava) are heading to the Outer Banks this Saturday.  We all need a vacation and some time away from the every day.  For the most part we are all looking forward to this vacation.  It wasn’t until early this morning that I focused on the present and put aside my thoughts on this Saturday. 

Around 3:30 am I got out of bed and hit the bathroom; haven’t done that since I was pregnant, but as the saying goes, shit happens.  Just as I snuggled back into bed Ava started screaming out of the silence and I rushed to her room.  Perhaps her teeth were bothering her, or something startled her…regardless of what it was I couldn’t calm her down with the usual back rub.  Against all the recommendations of any baby book I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair.  Ava was nestled close on my chest and I gently rocked the chair back and forth. 

I became a little frustrated that it was now close to 4 am, I should have been sleeping and waking at 5:30 am to hit the road running.  Within minutes I was disappointed in my thinking.  I instantly fell in love with that moment.  I won’t always be able to comfort my child, snug in my arms.  She won’t always want me to comfort her.  And most certainly I won’t always know when she’s crying for help.  Instead of feeling sad about what the future would or would not bring I was so happy that I had this personal moment with Ava.  I wanted time to stop…or just go a little slower. 

I actually felt liberated to be in the moment.  

Eventually Ava returned to her crib and I to my bed.  I did wake up early to go running and went about my day.  I picked up Ava after work and headed home.  While on I-78 I was again overcome with ‘the moment’.  I glanced back at my little girl and saw her smile as the breeze blew threw her hair and over her bare, wiggling toes.  She was living in the moment and so was I. 

Maybe I have a greater awareness, maybe I drink too much green tea.  Regardless of my change in focus it’s a good thing and I hope it can be maintained.