Tuesday, December 23, 2014

In the Shadows

For the first time in four days, I didn't run in the morning.

I ran Friday.
I ran Saturday.
I raced Sunday - good enough for 4th in my age group.
I ran Monday.

Today, I slept.

The girls stayed up a little later tonight to wrap gifts.  After I tucked them in bed, I suited up to continue my run streak with a mile in the basement.  In pajama pants and a sweatshirt, I walked downstairs and turned on the treadmill.  I kept only the stairwell light on since I can barely reach the pull for the bulb in the far corner of the basement.  The glow from both the display and the stairwell was enough to cast a shadow of myself on the adjacent wall.  I quickly glanced at the wall, then again, back to the wall ahead of me.

I felt so vulnerable among the shadows.  In a split second, I could lose my footing, or shift my gait and fly off the back of the treadmill.  Everything, without a moment's notice, could be changed forever.  The fragility of life began to suffocate me.  All that I know, all that I feel, contained in this perfect bubble, could have the air sucked out.  The overwhelming possibilities of this reality crushes my chest.  I can no longer take a deep breath.

And, with that, the treadmill hit 1 mile.
For now, the rest of those thoughts will have to remain in the shadows until next time.