Memories

This morning I ran one mile on the treadmill while sobbing.  At times, I needed to hang onto the handles to keep myself on the belt.  I had one focus that I couldn't shake - my dog.  If you have followed my blog I posted almost two years ago one serious tear jerker.  I poured my heart out onto that page.  I told myself that I wouldn't link to that post here.
So many memories of him running through my mind that I believe were triggered when I put the stupid tree skirt on last night.  When I was 'mature' enough to put up a tree in my own apartment, my mom gave me a box of trimmings, which included a small, plaid tree skirt.  But wait, it didn't stop there; a black felt schnauzer repeats around the base of the skirt.  Don't misunderstand my words, for the skirt isn't too tacky.  It's just, in my opinion, a random item from my mom's travels.  We did not have a dog growing up and when we occasionally entertained the thought of getting a dog, a schnauzer never made the list.
Last night, as with every holiday season, I crawled around the floor, under the tree, to place the skirt around the base of the tree as best as I could manage.  And there they were, random dog hairs.  I made a Captain Obvious statement, "There are dog hairs on this tree skirt" and let the silence fall on my ears.  I sighed as I dropped my shoulders to overextend my arm to the opposite end of the skirt.  My head fell forward.  I relaxed my arm to the floor and let my head hang for a few seconds, taking in that moment of another holiday tree trimming without the Buddy.
For those of you who remember, I still haven't replaced the bulb in the back porch light.  Occasionally, I accidentally flip that switch mistaking it for the laundry room light.  As if the future of mankind depended on that switch residing in the 'off' position, I quickly correct it, never once forgetting the symbolism of that beacon in the night.